Kids
— July 8, 2010 —
I'm about to go into middle school! I had to leave my old school because people there bullied me. I don't have a lot of self-confidence and I'm a little scared. What advice can you offer to me?
Nicole, 12
Dear Nicole,
Being bullied can definitely mess with your self-confidence. Fortunately, you're going to a new school so you have a chance to make a fresh start. Bullies are more likely to pick on people who seem weak to them, so practice walking and talking as if you already have strong self-esteem. I wrote a middle-school survival guide for kids your age called Too Old For This, Too Young for That!, and the new edition will be available starting on August 1. Not only are there tips about handling bullies, but you'll have a chance to check out other topics that concern you about middle school.
Dear Nicole,
It's great that you get a second chance at the middle school experience. Sometimes it's easy to fall back into old habits though. Even if you don't feel confident, fake it! After a while it won't be an act anymore. For more tips on bullies, confidence, and all the other issues of middle school, check out two books I've co-authored: Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? and Getting to Know the Real You: 50 Fun Quizzes Just for Girls.
Top of Page
— May 21, 2010 —
Ok, so I know this boy since I was 4 and me and his friends would go to the bus stop all the time. But then I moved. Then just last summer I moved back to the block again, and he lives now only a block away. I really like him cause he’s cute, and we were good buddies and still are and I wanna date him. What should I do? I think he likes me. Any advice? I’m 11 and I think he’s a year older or my age. Also, is this a good time to date even? I mean all my friends are dating except me. Please help!
Brookie, 11
Dear Brookie,
How great that you were able to move back to your old block and can now spend time with your old buddy. Think about why you want to start dating. If it’s mainly because all your friends are doing so, that’s not a very good reason. In fact, you might end up hurting your friendship with this guy if it changes into something romantic now, but then one of you loses interest in the other. On the other hand, if the two of you truly share special feelings and your parents approve, you might see if dating really works for you.
Dear Brookie,
First of all, make sure you want to date him because you like him (in a different way than you like all your other friends) and you’re ready to start dating, and not just because your friends are dating. If you really are interested in dating him, you might want to start by asking if he wants to do something together. It will be easier to tell when the two of you are alone how he feels about you and how you feel about him. If it seems that you both like each other, then that’s a good time to talk about dating, and if not, you can continue to just hang out as friends.
Top of Page
— March 1, 2010 —
I have had numerous people tell me that my crush of 3 years likes me. I have had a bunch of signs, but on a few emails he told me (and maybe a few other people) that he already has a girl. For example, I sent him an email and he says I already got this from my girlfriend. I can't exactly go to my parents and I don't think I should feel that way. My parents don't seem to understand what I am going through. I am extremely confused and I would like some advice. Thank you very much.
Extremely Confused, 11
Dear Extremely Confused,
Friends may be telling you what they think you want to hear—that your crush likes you. Only he knows how he really feels about you. He may like you, but he is also making it clear that he already has a girlfriend. Keep in mind that there’s no right way to feel—it sounds like you still like this guy but are disappointed that he’s not showing the kind of interest in you that you’d like to have. Who knows what will happen next month or even next week. His current relationship might fizzle out, but my advice is not to wait around. Keep your heart and mind open to other guys.
Dear Extremely Confused,
If you are getting mixed messages from the boy that you like then maybe the best solution would be to simply tell him how you feel about him and ask how he feels about you. If he already has a girlfriend then it would appear that maybe you two should just be friends. Even if you aren’t his girlfriend, by being friends you will still get to spend time with him. It might not be your first choice, but you might grow to become great friends, which can be even better than being his girlfriend. But before you jump to conclusions, my advice would be to try and get a straight answer about how your crush feels about you. It might be a little awkward to say but finding out his answer will be more reliable then finding out from friends.
Top of Page
— Dec. 30, 2009 —
I just started my period and don't know what to do at school. Any help?
— ????Dear ????,
Remember that you're not the only girl who has her period at school. If you have a locker, leave a box of sanitary pads there so you'll always be prepared. You can also put a few pads in a small makeup bag and keep that in your backpack. That way, you won't be embarrassed if you happen to drop the contents of your backpack in the middle of the cafeteria. School nurses usually keep a supply in their office, so that's another source of help. After a while, having your period will just be a routine part of your life.
Dear ????,
Getting your period can be scary at first, but ever girl gets it at some point, so know that you are not alone. When you are at school you should go to the bathroom a few times throughout the day to change your pad or tampon. You can go between classes or at lunch so no one will even know you have your period. The only problem is if you don't have time between classes, it can be embarrassing to leave class holding a little bag with your things in it. So what I do is as soon as I walk into my class, before I put my book bag down, I ask my teacher if I can go to the bathroom. This way I have all my stuff with me and it won't be embarrassing at all. Once you are in the bathroom there should be a garbage can right inside the stall to dispose your trash.
Dear ????,
The best thing is to always be prepared. Get a small zippered bag that's not see-through to put extra pads in just in case you get your period early, you have to change pads during the day, or in case a friend needs one, and always keep that in your backpack. When you have your period, make sure you go to the bathroom at lunch to change your pad and you can even use a super instead of a regular so you don't even have to think about the possibility of leakage and stains. And although it might seem really obvious to you whenever you wear a pad, I promise no one else has any idea. Even if you wear your tightest jeans, no one can tell that you're wearing a pad. Hope that helps!
Top of Page
— Sept. 20, 2009 —
My parents are total cave people. I can't buy a cell phone until I'm 22 and I can't have a boyfriend until I'm out of college and can pay my bills. What should I do?
— Anonymous, 11Dear Anonymous,
If your parents really mean what they're saying, then they're not in touch with the reality of this century. But maybe they aren't really cave people at all, but rather they're saying these things to keep you from nagging for a couple of years. Or their strategy might be that if they say “22” now, then you'll feel grateful when they drop the age to 15 later on. I don't like any strategy that is not honest, and I would tell them that if they asked me. What can you do now? You can try to be patient and then bring up these subjects in a year or so. In the meantime, show them how responsible you are with your possessions and how mature you handle your friendships. Hopefully, you'll be able to bring them into the modern age.
Dear Anonymous,
Talk to your parents about their rules to see if they are at all negotiable. Start by asking them why they decided on those particular limits and then see if you can make a counterargument for more lenient rules. It could involve proving that you're responsible and will definitely involve coming up with some compromises, such as agreeing to not be out past a certain time with any potential boyfriend or maybe letting your parents meet him first. In terms of the cell phone thing, you might want to present it as a safety issue. If anything were to happen, even if it's something minor, it's really helpful to have a phone to either call your parents or a friend or 911. Plus having a cell phone means they can call you to find out where you are at any time, which they'll probably like since it's seems like they are very protective of you. I hope these suggestions help! The main thing to keep in mind is that you'll be better off if you don't attack them or even their reasoning, but rather find reasons to support what you want and try to stay calm and collected so you'll seem mature.
Top of Page
— July 1, 2009 —
I like this boy and I think he likes me. If he asked me to be his girlfriend, I'd have to say no because my dad and my stepmom will not let me have a boyfriend. But, my mom will let me! What do I do?
— Kaitlin, 11Dear Kaitlin,
You're in a tough spot. I don't have all the facts—for example, I don't know who you live with and whether your mom and dad share custody and decision-making power. I imagine that your mom and dad might have different ideas about what having a boyfriend means. If it's possible, let them know that you're caught in the middle and you would like them to come up with one answer for this important question. If your parents can't agree, it might be best to let this boy know that you like him but that your dad says you can't have a boyfriend right now. Assure him that you absolutely want to continue to be his friend.
Dear Kaitlin,
With your situation I think that the best thing to do would be to talk to each of your parents. Tell your dad and stepmother exactly what having a boyfriend means to you and ask them why they will not let you have one. Then talk to your mother and tell her your situation. By talking to your parents you may be able to come up with a compromise. Maybe your parents will let you have a boyfriend, with some restrictions. See how the conversations go. Best of luck.
Top of Page
— May 15, 2009 —
My mom gets mad at me for getting bad grades on tests and I really am trying my hardest. Any suggestions?
— Samantha, 12Dear Samantha,
You may be trying your hardest, but maybe you're not using the most effective study techniques. Ask your mom and your teacher for their ideas. That will show them that you really want to do better. Even more important, they may well have some strategies that you haven't tried yet. For example, one of the ways I used to study was to make up questions and give the answers aloud. That might sound a bit strange, but it worked for me. Find out what method works for you and use it consistently.
Dear Samantha,
Next time, your mom bugs you about your grades, explain that you tried your hardest and ask her if she has any suggestions for how to do better. Ask her to help you study for your next test. That way, she'll see how hard you're working and maybe even be able to help you get better grades!
Top of Page
— April 11, 2009 —
Sometimes my friends leave me out. I don't know what to do. Also, it makes me feel bad.
— Cora, 11Dear Cora,
Your friends may not realize they're leaving you out. In a casual way, let them know that you wish you had been included the last time they all hung out together. See what their reaction is. It's also possible that your friends don't always want to be all stuck together like glue. Try to figure out what's really going on, and if they start leaving you out most of the time, that's a hint you can't ignore. Then it's best to explore a new friendship or two.
Dear Cora,
The best thing to do when someone has hurt you is to tell them how you feel. Tell your friends you are feeling left out and see if they include you more often. Also try to make an effort to hang out with them more. If you find that after talking to them, they are still excluding you, then maybe these are not the kids that you should be hanging out with.
Top of Page
— March 9, 2009 —
There's a boy at school who likes me, but he's so popular and his ex is one of the most popular girls. What should I do?
— Emily, 12Dear Emily,
Instead of focusing on his ex and his popularity, think about the fact that this boy likes you. My question to you is—do you like him? If so, find a way to let him know.
Dear Emily,
Weather this boy is popular or not, he likes you. And if you like him back, then you should tell him. It shouldn't matter who his ex-girlfriend was because he has moved on from her. Being popular is just a title, but if you are the one who ends up with this boy, then her being popular shouldn't really mean much.
Top of Page
— February 20, 2009 —
I'm 11 and all my friends have had their first kiss. I still haven't had mine and all my friends talk about it. I want my first kiss, but my parents will be really against it. Help!!
— Hannah, 11Dear Hannah,
When you're ready for a romantic relationship—and that may not happen for one, two, or five years from now—you'll want to kiss because you really like someone, not because you're in a competition with your friends. In the meantime, talk with your parents about why they want you to wait and try to be patient.
Dear Hannah,
You don't need to worry about not having had your first kiss yet. There are a lot of 11-year-olds who haven't kissed anyone yet, and just because your friends have started kissing guys doesn't necessarily mean that you should, too. Think about why you want to kiss someone. Is it because there is a guy who you really like and you think you're ready to kiss him? Or is it just because your friends are all talking about it?
Top of Page
— February 6, 2009 —
My dad always embarrasses me. He still calls me his "little princess." I hate it and I've tried everything I could think of. Please help.
— Kelsey, 12Dear Kelsey,
Your dad calls you his little princess because it's his way to let you know how special you are to him. Tell him that now that you're growing up, you would like him to stop using that term in public because it embarrasses you. He might slip up once in a while, and then you'll need to remind him gently to leave "little princess" out of public conversations.
Dear Kelsey,
Your dad does not mean to embarrass you. He probably just doesn't realize that you are growing up. He is used to saying things that you didn't mind when you were younger. Tell your dad exactly how you feel. I can understand where you are coming from because my dad always makes silly little jokes that I used to find funny, but I do not anymore. I have told him many times that they are not funny anymore. By now I know when his jokes are coming, and I know that he will always make them no matter what. We have turned the whole thing into a joke because now we both laugh at how ridiculous his jokes are. I dont think they are funny anymore but we just laugh anyway because they are so unfunny. I turned an embarrassing situation into one that we can both work with. That is the key to relationships—learning to compromise. Hopefully you will both be able to change the uncomfortable situation.
Top of Page
— January 5, 2009 —
My dad is gone a lot for his job. When he is home, we just clean. How can I really spend time with him?
— Lexxi, 11Dear Lexxi,
Be direct with your dad. Tell him you know cleaning is important, and you're trying to do your share. But you'd like to have some time with him when you're doing something fun. Planning is the answer. For example, the two of you might clean for two hours one morning and then go biking for an hour in the afternoon. Brainstorm some ideas together and see what you come up with.
Dear Lexxi,
Your dad may be stressed out because he has to spend so much time working. Maybe cleaning is his way to relieve stress. He might not realize how you feel. He probably just has a lot on his mind right now and doesn't have time to relax. Suggest some things you can do together. Communication is the key to a good relationship.